Here Are 10 Sex Therapist Approved Tips To Be A Better Lover In Bed

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Here Are 10 Sex Therapist Approved Tips To Be A Better Lover In Bed

Date : January 24, 2024

How to Be a Better Lover

Expert Advice on How to Be a Better Lover?

Whether you're new to sex or have been performing the horizontal mambo for years, trying to be a better lover is natural and good. Maximizing pleasure can improve connection and intimacy. Attending to your partner's needs may demonstrate caring and respect, and enhancing sexual satisfaction can boost overall relationship satisfaction.

It would be easy to start this blog with some simple advice on the most delightful acts, positions, or gadgets. But I'm not going to. As a woman with a high desire for intense sex, I'd like to discuss what truly distinguishes a man as a wonderful lover: his listening abilities.

Men who are good in bed listen to their women.

A genuinely excellent lover is not a man who has discovered some mystical and legendary g-spot, someone who is hung like a horse, or a guy who can go all night, though I am sure some women would be content with one or all three of those things! A wonderful lover listens to and responds to his girl, knowing what it is that makes her so excited when he is pleasing her. And then, with a repertory of sexual deeds at his disposal, he may play his lady like a musical instrument, finally learning where she stops, as Hamlet famously stated.

Tips to Help You Be a Better Lover

And in a good relationship, you will both be supportive of one another. A supportive partner will practice attentive listening and provide encouraging feedback, giving the impression that they truly want to see you succeed. All of these characteristics should be considered while looking for a supportive mate. When dating a supportive partner, there will be no envy, competitiveness, or bad intentions.

So, a skilled lover will never make love in the same manner twice. He will be unique in each of his victories. More importantly, he will celebrate what makes each female unique. Of course, having a silver tongue does not hurt. Both what a woman hears and what she sees stimulate her. Make her feel nice by setting the tone and atmosphere.

Help her achieve her fantasies and provide her with what she desires. And everyone who has genuinely fulfilled a woman understands that there will be adequate compensation for your efforts when she surrenders herself to you at the height of her desire. So, listen to your sweetheart and use all you've learned.

What High-Quality Escort Girls Will Do?

Similarly, a high-quality escort will listen to her customers and respond appropriately. A great escort will never go through the motions or believe that one method, attitude, or set of behaviors is sufficient or satisfying. A genuinely outstanding escort will be able to almost intuitively understand what makes a client tick, and she will do everything she can to make him pleased.

Sex is an understandably significant element of many people's love relationships, whether they have been together for a few months or decades. However, sex is an extremely personal interaction that can be accompanied by a lifetime of prior experiences, uncertainty, trauma, and worry, making it difficult to relax and enjoy each intimate contact with another person.

If you're concerned about your sexual abilities, you may be secretly questioning if your spouse is content or even enjoying your time together. It's quite easy—and completely normal—to become preoccupied with the complexities of sex, both in and out of the bedroom. After all, few things are more vulnerable than having sex with someone, and we all have a history and deeply set notions about how the encounter "should" proceed or feel.

When it comes to improving your sex game

When it comes to improving your sex game, you may be concerned that you will have to perform Olympic-level acrobatic maneuvers or engage in a lengthy bedroom session that will leave you exhausted for your partner to have a good time. That's why we interviewed Kelifern Pomeranz, PsyD, CST, a California-based clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist, about the intricacies of having excellent sex and becoming a better lover. Don't worry; her advice is devoid of shame, judgment, and fear.

Here are some of the best tips on how to be a better lover:


1. Begin by connecting with yourself first.

"Before you can connect with a partner in a meaningful way, you first need to connect with yourself," Pomeranz said. With so many of us trained to view masturbation and sexual pleasure as taboo, it's reasonable that you haven't been comfortable enough to explore what you love sexually before committing to a relationship. "If you are invested in becoming a better lover, I recommend that you regularly participate in a self-love/self-pleasure practice."

If it seems overwhelming, start small. Even just giving yourself a self-massage or taking a romantic bubble bath alone is a good start. "It is important to discover what brings you pleasure, explore your turn-ons and turn-offs, embrace your body, and learn how to say 'no,' 'not right now,' and 'yes,'" Pomeranz said. " You cannot communicate to a partner what you do not know yourself. " She suggests practicing mindfulness, engaging with sex toys, listening to or reading erotica, and viewing educational films.


2. Focus on talking with your mate.

"Many individuals find it difficult to speak openly and honestly about sex with their partners," Pomeranz said. "Perhaps you have tried in the past and the chat did not go well. Or you are afraid of saying the incorrect thing and hurting your partner's feelings. Or, worse, you assume that your spouse should already know what you want in bed and that you should not have to tell them what feels good to you."


3. Set aside time for sex - yes, seriously.

You may feel like your entire life is planned out on a Google calendar, but arranging sex isn't a terrible idea, argues Pomeranz. "There is still a misconception that sex should be spontaneous, even though we all know how impossible this can be with our hectic schedules. A 'noon shag' booked during the workday might be rather enjoyable. passionate texts during the day might be a gentle buildup to a planned passionate frolic in the evening."

romentic sex

4. Check-in with your buddy during the session.

Enthusiastic consent is essential for each sexual experience, and there are several techniques to ensure that you both enjoy it. "Rather than expecting your spouse to read your thoughts, both people should take responsibility for their own enjoyment and communicate what they want, need, and need. Communication can be vocal ('Do you like this or that?') or nonverbal (take your partner's hand and move it to another part of your body).


5. Be willing to try new things.

"Some partners like novelty while others crave familiarity," according to Pomeranz. Before you start something new, have a conversation to ensure you're on the same page. "There are several different ways to go about this," like discussing your sexual interests, taking online sexual quizzes, and visiting a sex shop together to browse their products.

"If a partner discloses a desire to have a more expansive sexual template, appreciate the courage that it took them to share this with you and stay in a place of openness and curiosity even if it initially makes you squeamish," she goes on to advise.


6. Talk outside the bedroom.

Waiting to discuss sex until it happens is a dangerous slope. Talking about sex when it's about to happen might lead to feelings of pressure or anticipation. If feedback is given shortly after sex, someone may feel scrutinized or condemned, which might inhibit future interactions. Wait until the next morning to discuss what you liked and disliked and what you might want to attempt next time.

Many individuals feel vulnerable when they have sex. Respect this by engaging in conversations when sex is not feasible. Talk at supper or while getting ready in the morning. Car journeys may also be enjoyable since they allow an opportunity to avoid excessive eye contact. Give your spouse a heads up that you want to have the chat so you can decide when is a good moment.


7. Talk in the bedroom

Effective communication is a constant effort. Talking to your spouse outside of sex promotes understanding and awareness. Talking during sex pushes things to the next level. Verbal sexual communication has been connected to an individual’s sexual satisfaction. Tell your lover how sexy they are and how wonderful they feel. Desirous expressions enhance closeness.

Telling someone what you don't like or desire doesn't provide much guidance for what to do. If it is not acceptable for a spouse to touch specific body parts, identify which ones they can. Make it apparent which portions yearn for contact. Highlight pleasant experiences. "Yes!" is one of the most seductive phrases out there!


8. Kiss and Cuddle

Kissing, snuggling, and massage have been associated with enhanced closeness. These may be excellent alternatives to intercourse, either for personal reasons or due to changing physical capacities. Cuddling is linked to increased sexual arousal, emotional connection, and sexual satisfaction. Cuddling before or after sex is a terrific method to connect with our greatest sex organ, the skin.


9. Create a Protection Plan

Worrying about an unexpected pregnancy or STIs can significantly reduce sexual energy. Make a strategy for protection before things get hot and heavy. It is not a good idea to look for a condom when in the throes of love. Trusting that your physical health is being preserved helps you to fully enjoy all of the finest aspects of sex!

10. When it's finished, ask your spouse what they need.

Small gestures, such as offering your spouse a drink of water and a snack—or even a cozy blanket so they can go to sleep—will help you both enjoy each other after sex. "A conversation about what your partner wants and needs after sex can be helpful, as their post-sex desires might be different from your own," Jessica said. "Communication is everything."

Read: While you may want to cuddle with someone, your spouse may prefer to snooze alone. Any choice is acceptable.

Ask questions.

It's easy to get caught up in day-to-day living and the discussions that come with it, but it's critical to ask thoughtful questions. This can make you feel more connected to your spouse and lead to more meaningful conversations.

Here are some instances of deliberate questions:

  1. What makes you feel loved and cared for?
  2. Do you make decisions with your mind or your heart?
  3. What is your biggest fear?

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